we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The air was thick with penises
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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