At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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