thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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