This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
