think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
