We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I want a musical about memes.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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