i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
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