i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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