im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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