im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
