is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
