Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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