That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
