I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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