i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
