What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
But theres a keg here and me gusta
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
