Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
