did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
