yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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