He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
