You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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