rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
