Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
