Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
