well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just had sex bonerless
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
