Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
