Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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