R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
