omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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