Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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