forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
