Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
