I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
