he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
