I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
