Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
