I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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