I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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