I smell stomach acid.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
