Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
