just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
