i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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