Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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