Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just gift wrapped bread.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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