I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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