God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
