I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
