So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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