Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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