ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
