I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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