...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
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I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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