i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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