I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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