You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
