i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
