i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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