Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
