I think i peed on brittanys purse
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
