I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize