Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
