I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we made out on top of his cat.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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