Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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