my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
