Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
