I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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