she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
