i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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