she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
