So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
