you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
