This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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