how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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