Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
