ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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